disintegrate

rate

fabrication
As i sat, staring blankly at the cubicle resident outside my office, observing her every move. her every clumsy moment, her every finger touch on the keyboard, her blinking eyes looking into the computer screen and occasional checks on spreadsheets to double check her accuracy on the data she was logging. Eleanor Chua, with all her long ebony hair and huge hazel eyes. she was wearing a fitted pink blouse today and a pencil skirt. i wondered what was it that made everyone in The Carmpani decide that she will be the butt of every single office joke. i looked down on my documents; the top most was of her proposal to the manager, folowed by other proposals by other colleagues. A meeting scheduled to discuss the proposals later on at 3. At the back of my head, i knew- her proposal was going to be rejected, again.

I grabbed a last sip of the cold coffee that has been left standing on my table for hours before making my way to the meeting room. Flicking my monitor off, i waited Eleanor to pack and prepare her presentation materials.

"Done! whoo, i'm nervous. do you think i'd succeed?" she asked nervously, staggering towards the meeting room beside me.

"As long as you give your best." i kissed her forehead. she curled a lock of dark hair mervously behind her ear. Eleanor and i have been dating for more than a year. we both worked for The Carmpani, but it wasn't the most pleasant place to be. she wasn't any of a pretty face that outstands, she didn't possess a killer figure- she was just Plain Jane, and i loved her for it.

"Oh no here it goes, Joshua. thery're gonna discuss the proposals." she whispered at breakneck speed into my ear. i cracked a nervous smile, wondering how was she going to take the blow of a rejection. However, it turned out worse. Mrs. Ho flipped the file open, brushed the first proposal aside, and continued the meetinf from there. They had completely ignored her proposal. the meeting continued on, without pausing of skipping any subsequent proposal. One after another, every proposal was went through, all except the first. i stole a nervous glance at Eleanor. she looked pained. the other colleagues at the other side of the table tried to hide giggles and laughter.

"Check out that blouse- i think my mother has the exact same one."

Oh no, i thought, rubbing my hand on hers in an attempt to comfort her.

"For the last time, Ms. Chua, your proposal did not even made it through our preliminary considerations, i had no idea how it ot into our file." Mrs. Ho announced, in a firm, strong manner. Eleanor tried to squeak. She apologised and left the meeting room, dragging her feet like a soldier who lost a battle. i was waiting by her desk with a cup of warm coffee in an attempt to cheer her up some. she looked up at me, and looked down onto the carpet, keeping her head faced downwards until she sat on the chair. i pushed the mug of coffee to her view, turned the cup in a circular manner so she could read the Post-It i attached to the cup. she read the note and luaghed.

"Oh Joshua. Stop being funny." she playfully punched my arm. Her smile then disappeared and she sighed.

"Eleanor," Kelly stutted towards Eleanor like a model. "Your tasks for the chosen proposal." she dropped the file onto the floor deliberatle in front of Eleanor. "Oops." with that, Kelly spun on her heel and walked back into her cubicle. All of a sudden, i felt pity for Eleanor. she picked the file up and opened it, reading the contents of her tasks. it's gonna leave her in the office until 10 tonight, and probably the entire next week. her proposal wasn't even acknowledged and she has to do other man's shit? then i felt sick. Sick and disgusted by the people in The Carmpani. the way they worked. The way they respond. The way they lived. i had thoughts of quitting The Carmpani and taking Eleanor with me, but i couldn't. i was here on contract. Both of us were, to assist The Carmpani's growth for the next 2 years. We both decided that since the office was near our home, we could ditch the car. i was getting along good, but Eleanor wasn't. God knew why she became so detested by the others.

Sure, the truth is, she wasn't really Miss Perfectly Right for me. she could only whip up a few simple dishes, swim 2 laps before geting exhausted, quite limited on her clothing range and knew zilch about . However as time passes by, i started to grow onto her and got used to her. she wasn't what i had in mind of a partner, but she was very confortable to be with. No much excitement, experimental ecstasy and oozing adventures. Just plain, comfortable Eleanor.

i hated to see her so miserable. i hate the fact that all i ever did was to watch her through the office door. as she rubbed her shoulder with her own arm, she let her head fall back for a few moments before typing all over again. i watched as she sipped the coffee i brought her and smiling at the Post-It i left. It has always been like that, me watching her, week after month. Every few minutes i would watch. Every alternate hour i would watch. I just kept on watching, doing nothing at all, watching her every stretching, watching her every phonecall, watching her crumble inside, little by little.

truth
can't believe they skipped him, completely, as if he's not of any existence, and expect him to contribute to whatever their plans are. can't believe they were still so indifferent, as if nothing was wrong with it. can't believe i have been treated like scum and not notice it. can't believe i had always been watching and doing nothing.