disintegrate

rate

i've relinked, ask me for link or go facebook. and aww, Baby, this is my 241st post. sweet!

lawl. i like to use lol now. i have not been using it every since i was born, unless i'm talking to really boring people. but now, i like it. lawl.

i know h aven't been updating. nobody reads anyway, haha, so i shall not update anymore. blog traffic = 0.

fabrication
As i sat, staring blankly at the cubicle resident outside my office, observing her every move. her every clumsy moment, her every finger touch on the keyboard, her blinking eyes looking into the computer screen and occasional checks on spreadsheets to double check her accuracy on the data she was logging. Eleanor Chua, with all her long ebony hair and huge hazel eyes. she was wearing a fitted pink blouse today and a pencil skirt. i wondered what was it that made everyone in The Carmpani decide that she will be the butt of every single office joke. i looked down on my documents; the top most was of her proposal to the manager, folowed by other proposals by other colleagues. A meeting scheduled to discuss the proposals later on at 3. At the back of my head, i knew- her proposal was going to be rejected, again.

I grabbed a last sip of the cold coffee that has been left standing on my table for hours before making my way to the meeting room. Flicking my monitor off, i waited Eleanor to pack and prepare her presentation materials.

"Done! whoo, i'm nervous. do you think i'd succeed?" she asked nervously, staggering towards the meeting room beside me.

"As long as you give your best." i kissed her forehead. she curled a lock of dark hair mervously behind her ear. Eleanor and i have been dating for more than a year. we both worked for The Carmpani, but it wasn't the most pleasant place to be. she wasn't any of a pretty face that outstands, she didn't possess a killer figure- she was just Plain Jane, and i loved her for it.

"Oh no here it goes, Joshua. thery're gonna discuss the proposals." she whispered at breakneck speed into my ear. i cracked a nervous smile, wondering how was she going to take the blow of a rejection. However, it turned out worse. Mrs. Ho flipped the file open, brushed the first proposal aside, and continued the meetinf from there. They had completely ignored her proposal. the meeting continued on, without pausing of skipping any subsequent proposal. One after another, every proposal was went through, all except the first. i stole a nervous glance at Eleanor. she looked pained. the other colleagues at the other side of the table tried to hide giggles and laughter.

"Check out that blouse- i think my mother has the exact same one."

Oh no, i thought, rubbing my hand on hers in an attempt to comfort her.

"For the last time, Ms. Chua, your proposal did not even made it through our preliminary considerations, i had no idea how it ot into our file." Mrs. Ho announced, in a firm, strong manner. Eleanor tried to squeak. She apologised and left the meeting room, dragging her feet like a soldier who lost a battle. i was waiting by her desk with a cup of warm coffee in an attempt to cheer her up some. she looked up at me, and looked down onto the carpet, keeping her head faced downwards until she sat on the chair. i pushed the mug of coffee to her view, turned the cup in a circular manner so she could read the Post-It i attached to the cup. she read the note and luaghed.

"Oh Joshua. Stop being funny." she playfully punched my arm. Her smile then disappeared and she sighed.

"Eleanor," Kelly stutted towards Eleanor like a model. "Your tasks for the chosen proposal." she dropped the file onto the floor deliberatle in front of Eleanor. "Oops." with that, Kelly spun on her heel and walked back into her cubicle. All of a sudden, i felt pity for Eleanor. she picked the file up and opened it, reading the contents of her tasks. it's gonna leave her in the office until 10 tonight, and probably the entire next week. her proposal wasn't even acknowledged and she has to do other man's shit? then i felt sick. Sick and disgusted by the people in The Carmpani. the way they worked. The way they respond. The way they lived. i had thoughts of quitting The Carmpani and taking Eleanor with me, but i couldn't. i was here on contract. Both of us were, to assist The Carmpani's growth for the next 2 years. We both decided that since the office was near our home, we could ditch the car. i was getting along good, but Eleanor wasn't. God knew why she became so detested by the others.

Sure, the truth is, she wasn't really Miss Perfectly Right for me. she could only whip up a few simple dishes, swim 2 laps before geting exhausted, quite limited on her clothing range and knew zilch about . However as time passes by, i started to grow onto her and got used to her. she wasn't what i had in mind of a partner, but she was very confortable to be with. No much excitement, experimental ecstasy and oozing adventures. Just plain, comfortable Eleanor.

i hated to see her so miserable. i hate the fact that all i ever did was to watch her through the office door. as she rubbed her shoulder with her own arm, she let her head fall back for a few moments before typing all over again. i watched as she sipped the coffee i brought her and smiling at the Post-It i left. It has always been like that, me watching her, week after month. Every few minutes i would watch. Every alternate hour i would watch. I just kept on watching, doing nothing at all, watching her every stretching, watching her every phonecall, watching her crumble inside, little by little.

truth
can't believe they skipped him, completely, as if he's not of any existence, and expect him to contribute to whatever their plans are. can't believe they were still so indifferent, as if nothing was wrong with it. can't believe i have been treated like scum and not notice it. can't believe i had always been watching and doing nothing.

1. edsel and i are back together
2. i passed geography
3. i think that transsexual is an over-expector
4. assembly on mondays are getting more and more redundant
5. didn't attend 18th April service
6. i signed up for add-math tuition
7. i spent my 14th monthsary doing nothing, thanks to veggieboy
8. i still can't decipher Dr. John Avanzini's messages at church
9.adele bought me a lolly (PINK! PINK!)
10. wilson and Jason are Romeo and Juliet
11. i finished Lolly Winston's novel.
12. i pwn at the oral exams.

yea, that's the updates. i finished Lolly Winston's novel, Happines Sold Separately and i feel so unsatisfied. ): Ted and Elinor were meant to be and Gina is a whore. and in the start of the story i really liked Ted, his physique at 45 is, well, impressive, and then at the end of the book i just felt like he is the world's worst man that ever existed. ): hello? you're married to Elinor! how could you cheat on her! ):

and that Gina's not even pretty. and that Gina has a son. a stupid son who almost had you dead.

i just feel so... idk. difficult to put in words. and the worse part that got to me was, when Ted woke up on the hospital bed, faced his ~~fucking~~ mistress, while all that time his wife is side him, and said,

"hi, angel."

i would've killed myself if i were Elinor. KILLED, MYSELF. until now, i'm still affected by her novel. ): Ted and Elinor won't be together anymore. i guess it's for the better; that Ted fantasized about ina when Elinor tookcare of him. stupid bastard.

*sigh* i want a better ending, Lolly Winston. Anyway i found myself somehow addicted to romance novels. no, i'm serious. i really am. i can walk around the library only having eyes for books with a heart-shaped icon on the sticker on its spine. then i'll check whetther it has any supernatural psychotic crap, (i really cannot stand those silly books of fairy/human love stories, sometimes. got a bad impression of such novels ever since "Sleeping With The Fishes by god knows who, it was just- argh.) and i'll read it.

and i also found myself reading all over again. :D i found my passion for reading, back! wooo. yea so i'm addicted to romance novels. anyone has good romance novels, lend me eh! i can't wait to read another love story. :D fuck the MYEs, i'm still gonna carry on reading books.

it's over.

buhbye boyfriend, it's done and over.
no, it's not you, it's me.

my last tag on my tagboard is a month ago.
blog traffic = none.

sad. ):

Thursday, 9th April
went to sakae at Plaza Sing with Eds.
ate till we cannot finish our red plate.

went to walk around Plaza Sing after sakae.
there got make-a-bear! D: i want i want i want.
Baby says he'll save up, so i'm happy. :D

Saturday, 11th April
Easter drama!
Baby and i went to watch the Easter drama at Expo.
then we went around tampines,
so crowded!
and i don't like people who live in the East.
they walk like penguins, so slow! grrr.
anyway, we were hungry, so we decided to bus back to the North,
Yishun or Admiralty.
on the bus i saw this uber cute angmoh man.
adorable! i know he's way past his teens, around twenty plus, but still so cuuuuuuuute.
but he appears married. D:

wah biang eh, i tell him what to say only mah,
so it will be clearer to you, you so worked up for?
sheesh. so pissed off on the bus.

anyway, we ended up at admiralty,
cos we both agreed that another bus would kill us.
had dessert and stuff, then home-d.

Sunday, 12th April
studying with Baby.
walked over to woosvale after my lunc with mum and bro.
WALKED, yaw. walked.

do until cannot tahan alr then started camwhoring.

the silly things stress makes people do.
makes people so innovative, till the point where a hair scrunchie is entertaining.

OURAN IS LOVE!
i (finally) finished the series!
i love the series, hahas.
the first time i watched it, i was dumbfounded by mitsukuni hainozuka's resemblence to me.
ahh, anyhow. i love Honey! heh heh.
he really resembles me, except he is no doubt more childish.

swee~ts. :D

18th March, Wednesday.

after chemistry (which i will, indefinitely fail.),
ran home with Baby,
and i quickly showered and changed,
then rushed down to swissotel.
sweet of Baby to send me there.
actually, he just wanted to see the world at 70 storeys high,
but it was nice to sleep on him on the train ride there.

when we got there every concierge turned at looked at Baby in his ADSS uniform.
what a glamourous Kodak moment.

anyway, i went there cos i had a family high tea at Equinox,
whatever that means.
very classy place,
at 70 levels above ground.
food? not very fantastic.
i had the doryfish thingy, sushi and fondue,
and whatever. it was kinda of a buffet thing.
the more amazing one is the pasta!
:D
like, the chef prepares it in fron of you.
the cream one is better than the tomato one. :D

and let me tell you one stupud thing.
ahma wanted to buy my ROXY DRESS.
but they have sze 8, size 12,
just no size 10.
D:

i wanted to cry.

): ):

never mind,
someday it'll be mine.
*sigh*

19th March, Thursday
no school, yay!
went to church of Evangelism Explosion,
gotta admit, it wasn't exactly what i had i mind of spending the only free day i have in the week, my holiday week,what's more, 1pm to 5pm, dead in the afternoon.
but i was in the House of my beloved Lord, i truly felt good, just like returning home after a week of absence.
if only we had a worship song. i'd cry like a baby.

it was about Love, the video and all.
loving your neighbour, your enemy.

Baby was at Sungei Buloh, with Wilson and Jason.
eh, even Sungei Buloh also need 50cents to enter.
-.-

20th March, Friday
let us compare a simple analogy.
BIO----0830-0930
PHY----0800-1200

yes, we have 3 extra hours.
and we went through electricity.
i couldn't say i understood.
neither could i say i didn't understand.
oh well, things are like that when you study physics.
and i forgot all about the test. :D
if i pass, Jesus deserves all the praise.
if i fail, qutub deserveas the blame.
why?
COULOMB. not COLUMB, NOOOOOOOB!
ohmyeff, i speel correct one leh!
then qutub told me another spelling,
then i was like, since qutub studied, i should trust him.
BUT NO.
ARGH!

Baby bought me this ring and i like it. :D
no engraving whatsoever, but i like it all the same.

initially he said he was bringing me to sakae,
but turns out he only had 9 bucks.
so we gave that idea up.
thought of watching a movie,
but no movies are interesting enough.
so we walked around causeway.
and i saw that beautiful Beauty and the Beast puzzle.
again.
aww man, i wished i had it.
):

i want i want i want i want.

TODAY

went to Mount E. for an eye check.
i maintained, but my brother needs glasses now,
hahaha.
now his N.S. will be affected.
hahaha.

then i couldn't make it for service anymore,
so i decided to go tmr.
went to takashimaya with mum and bro,
had takoyaki! so loved.
then i bought a floral sundress from FOX,
it's something like the Roxy, with pockets, a tube,
but it's a rainforest-y kinda colours.
green, red, beige, black, the works.
makes me look 18. but i like it.

i still want that roxy, arrrrrrrrrgh.

Laneige had this promotion going on,
they were giving out apples.

my brother bough gundams. :D

i bought the Zaku for Baby. :D
and the Gunner for myself.
ya lah, i biased, i love myself more.
Gunner 1/100, compared to 1/144 small hair Zaku right.
but the pink was like,
"joei, buy me! don't i look adorable! and it's Lunamaria! the silly fool who allies herself with that Rey and Shin. but i'm still pink! buy me, buy me!"

i hope Baby will like his Zaku, it's my 13th monthsary gift to you.
whoa, i just realized we have been so long together.

oh well, all the better!
i love my boyfriend. x)